Yeah, I lied, it wasn't the last Metatopia post.

Originally shared by Rob Donoghue

Yeah, I lied, it wasn't the last Metatopia post.

This one's for the dudes. And lest there be any confusion, I mostly mean the cis-het-white-dudes, but more broadly I mean any dudes who might come across that way.

You have a lot of power.

You do. It's not really a question. Even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes, it's a big stick you're carrying around. And, yeah, it's kind of a sucky sort of power, but not much to do about that.

This isn't really news, but it's important to bring up at Metatopia because part of it being a fantastic opportunity for new designers to reach out to the broader world is that it means it's an opportunity for a lot of designers who don't have that same big stick.

And that matters because these designers are trusting you. They are choosing to expose themselves to the risk of your stick because they trust in your judgement and care as part of the community.

I trust you too.

But I don't 100% trust myself.

Oh, sure, my intentions are good, but I get enthusiastic. I get engaged! I can end up waving that big old stick around like it ain't no thing. I wouldn't use it, of course. Of course not! But...well, not everyone knows that. What is friendly enthusiasm to me can end up shutting someone down or driving them off, and odds are good I would never even notice.

That sucks.

But what to do? I can't read people's minds. I can't live in a state of constant fear of how I might be portrayed. Living in a world of eggshells is just untenable. So am I just totally screwed?

Maybe not.

It'd be cool to have a comprehensive answer. Or a deep understanding humanity that makes this all unnecessary. But I don't have those, so I just have to settle for a simple rule or two.

1. Take a moment to breath before speaking up
2. Maybe chill a little.

Now, hell, those are for me. Everyone's different, everyone fights different battles. Maybe you have no problem with chill. Maybe you never interrupt or talk over other people.

But maybe there are one or two little rules you could remember that might help too.

Like I said. I trust your judgement, so use it as you would.