All true.
Originally shared by Tony Lower-Basch
Guys (and gamer-guys particularly),
Have you wondered how it would feel, emotionally, to be the one to point out that there are problems of sexism, or other unsafe, unfair, non-inclusive patterns in your gaming group?
It will feel bloody terrible. Let's suppose the absolute best-case (surprisingly common!) where the vast majority of your friends listen and are enthusiastically supportive, where people's response is "Yes, absolutely, we should have talked about this and levelled up ages ago!", where everyone thanks you.
It will still completely stink. You will question your own motives. You will wonder if you're trying to score points as a White Knight. You will wonder if you're trying to use inclusivity as a con to assert your own dominance. You will know keenly that if you were doing either of these things you wouldn't know you're doing them. You will lose sleep wondering.
You will kindly point out ways others can improve, and they will thank you for the info, but it will still sting them to hear, because of course it does, and you will feel lousy about having done that to them because of course you will.
You will remember in detail every similar group you've ever been in that has broken up acrimoniously. You will fondly remember back before you raised the issues, where everything felt so much easier for you.
TL;DR: If you are unaccustomed to emotional labor, it's going to feel like the Emotional Labors of Hercules.
Now before you start thinking "So ... maybe I won't," think twice ... there's a big job to be done, and you (yes, you my gaming-guys) are the one who will have it easiest. For anyone else, all of the internal cruft I list above will be compounded by external resistance and questioning. Guaranteed.
Now that I've told you, as clearly as I know how, precisely how unpleasant it's going to be, don't you dare fob the job off on anyone else. Don't you dare. It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it, and that somebody is clearly you.
Yep.
RépondreSupprimerIf your group is sexist, then it's weird you'd be there in the first place. Just don't roll with sexist people to begin with.
RépondreSupprimerI can't know before joining the group. I can simply leave whenever I want, it's easy, but I can also try to change things. It works.
RépondreSupprimerGherhartd Sildoenfein You can easily know before joining the group--it's not like the only possible way to talk to a human is via gaming
RépondreSupprimerOf course. But gaming directly also works and you test gaming for gaming. More direct.
RépondreSupprimerGherhartd Sildoenfein What?
RépondreSupprimerSorry, too tired. I will try again tomorrow.
RépondreSupprimerSo the night dispelled that awful tiredness away, I'll try to make more sense.
RépondreSupprimerQuite often I meet new people for the purpose of playing a game, only. Meeting up is difficult to organise, it would become even more so if I wanted to organise a social meeting to test the water beforehand. And probably considered weird and haughty. Definitively weird on the purely online play that is the majority of my practice nowadays.
Wanting to play with more new players, to widen my gaming practice, is to be willing to take the risk to confront shitty people.
Also, there's also the friends-of-friend trouble. Last time it happened, I was invited to play at a numerous table, I knew only one of the GMs, not the other eight persons. It went quite sexist. I confronted them, told them it was making me uncomfortable and angry, they altered their behaviour and I hope that made them think about it, that in a small part this will ripple in other parts of their live. Benefits for everyone.
Now I was lucky with these people, with other ones it's hopeless, so I don't game - or anything else - with them anymore.